isnt it amazing that whenever studies require the best of me i rise from ashes to pull off a stunt which is never worth wasting my time..i write what my heart asks me to write, not listening to my mind, which at this very moment is crying loud, asking me to get back to those books which never have helped me in anyway..but would surely get me a graduation degree after 6 more months..how desperately i wish that these 6 months just fly away..

dont know what other crap ill write if i dont put a fullstop to d post..
adios blog..
will see you soon..very soon..

here i go again: WHO AM I??

who am I..??
I am a seeker..seeking myself and much more(wisdom).
I am a sailor..sailing in the ocean of my dreams
I am a dreamer.. freeing myself from the slumber of immoral..

Believing in “if I cannot give, I refuse to receive”.
I have the same soul, mind, heart..
But my very soul is in the process of anticipation..
and my mind is searching wisdom..
my sanity is observing the silence..
my thoughts are hastening towards eternity..
And my heart..“I have a little heart within me & I like to bring it out of his prison and carry it on the palm of my hand to examine it in depth and extract its secret..but iam afraid, lest it takes fright and vanish”.
I strongly believe “when life beckons to you, follow it”.
Repentance..remorse..insecurity..such words have no place in my life now..
I can never accept to be a loser..
what I now hate most is TO REGRET..
I am UNBREAKABLE & IMPOSSIBLE..

Wont think much, will only feel

somethings lasts..
somethings always lasts..

how easily we hurt someone who loves us and never realise what wrong we have done..how easily we set rules for them to follow and never try to implement them on ourselves..we just talk without thinking how that person would feel, and yet we feel hurt when we get pointed out for our own mistakes..

there are times when you realise all this and then you try really hard to get over so many memories of your past, but they just linger around and gives you pain..
a pain that actually helps you to redefine yourself..

im feeling it all :-)

i wrote this before and im writing this again


Life’s always not a little Angel.
Your Mind is always not thinking Straight.
At times if Your intentions Aren't Cruel one just can't have Fun.
Because Everyone does it, but its as simple as that, no one talks about it..

Healing

Chopping the self..
Into neat little words..
Into commas and fullstops and exclamation marks..
Breaking the holds..
Resculpturing the eyes, the ears and the hands..
Healing with the poetry..


dont know what i am writing..something that is just ringing in my head..
dont even know if they are my own words..cant recall if i read them somewhere..
they feel so surreal yet so pure and obvious in my life..

ok ok..i was wrong with all the things..

not 2, 3 of us were smitten..1 drooling..

and and and and no friends of her for me please..;-)

Nice day, People getting high and me still not getting what i like

dere are days that really piss you off and you have to say i hope i never come across something like this again in my life...and den dere are days you enjoy so much that you never want them to end..and then there are the usual days..
why do i get only the last one of these??
the day started as the usual arid one, i thought wont be having anything today..then suddenly out of the darkness a light of hope gleams..

off to movie with friends..hoping that we get a ticket..but we dont..
hey!! how in the hell you expect to get it??its sunday and SRK is in the house (can anyone tell me how long will this SRK flare last??)
any how we drop the movie plan..off to some other place so that everyone can chill..chilling..ohh!! i mean icy...ohh!! i mean glasses too...ohh!! i think ill add a bottle too..

whose that girl..oh she is soo very cute...still other people have there opinions..
she smokes..so what, does that make her bound to be a slut??i hope not..
kinda friendly..but that quality again is misleading..for me as well as for others..ok, she may not be open..buzz off..
two of us are smitten by her and as usual i hide and back off..may be called a coward or a naive..so be it..but still cant think as if she aint having any of her feelings..

maybe ill see her again..but i dont think the first look that we exchanged would now be held in high ranks..hope it does..

ok i think dat chilling stuff was kinda inductive..
so better cut it now..
adios blog..

Who Am I : rumination continues

James Thurber:
All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.

21 precious years have already passed me..i have lived, i have enjoyed, i have smiled, i have cried, i have pondered, i have fantasized, i have feigned and i have been decieved,i have loved & been loved, i have hated & been hated, i have cared and been taken care of..
but still havent been able to get the slightest of clues about what James Thurber is saying..if the most docile and gulibe years of my life havent been able to provide me with an answer i dont think the future would be doing so..

so will my life be called a useless one..?wont i be getting an entry into the heaven..?will the GOD(if he does exists) punish me..?

good that im not a thiest..i thought of becoming one few years back..but then realised that they dont get an off..

Random

I don't spend much time thinking about whether God exists. I don't consider that a relevant question. It's unanswerable and irrelevant to my life, so I put it in the category of things I can't as well as I dont worry about.

Who Am I : rumination begins

I am two men: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. And both of us are living in the same body and battling with each other. The meeting of these two men is a game with serious risks. A divine dance. When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding. If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, one universe destroys the other.

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT

Just when I thought
That I should not give up hope
I lost the courage to do so..
Just when I thought
That I should leave my sadness
I forgot how to smile..
Just when I thought
That I can share my secrets
I forgot the words..
Just when I thought
That silence isn’t enough
I lost my voice..
Just when I thought
That expression shouldn’t b hidden
I forget how to express them..
Just when I thought
That I can live without assets
I lost my breaths..
Just when I thought
That I have won the battle
I lost the war..

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

You Are A Lime Tree

You are intelligent, hard working, and innately successful. You try to change what you can in life - and you accept what you can't change. Tough on the outside, you are actually soft and relenting. Jealous at times, you are extremely loyal and giving to those you love. You have many talents, but you don't have enough time to use them.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

What Planet Should You Rule?

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic

You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic! You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale. You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lack It's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

The Five Factor Values Test

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

How Intuitive Are You?

You Are 64% Intuitive

You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right. You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous. When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.

How Intuitive Are You?

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birthdate: March 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things. You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle. Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home. You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak. Your strength: Your intense optimism Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents Your power color: Jade Your power symbol: Flower Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You never know when life will happen again..

Wont comment as i had thought of when i started of with this post..wrote, deleted, wrote again and deleted again..cant be so insensitive..already acted foolishly when called him inane..but no..nothing more about him..

Life is ever changing,One second your life is playing out exactly as you had dreamt of and in one single instant everything changes..Your entire world comes crashing down, Your hopes, your dreams and your future, all of them have suddenly been stolen from you..Nothing left to show except pain and tears..Reality has hit your fantasy world..and then you cant think of anything, you cant act, you cant take any decisions except one..the one to end your life..


Life is so precious so cherish each moment, Live every single day as if it were your last, Remember the laughs, Remember the talks, Remember the smiles, Remember the walks..These memories will see you through the toughest times..Life makes you stronger, Life makes you smarter than before..But nobody is ever invincible to Life..Hold and cherish what you still have close to your heart,coz You never know when life might happen again.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overratedBut I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me

I am Screwed, i am Fucked up & Man!!!!! me Hungry

the day starts so bad gets so well in the middle and ends miserably..

8:30..my alarm kicks me up..i get off the bed, way too corny(not that its unusual)..but wait..the reminder does remind me that i have got an exam(CAD) to give for which i have prepared nothing at all and by 'nothing at all' i mean i am totally blank.. so blank that i am getting confused in the abbrivation too(CAD means Computer Aided Designing not Computer and Designing)..the sleep is all gone..i hurry off wid my usual chores thinking that ill be able to get atleast 1.5 hours to study something(dont you ask me what i did the night before)..but how true is this"when you really wanna do something desperately you always end up doing somthing else" and alas!! its so true for me..i land up with this amazing article which takes 1 hour, so the equation reducing itself to only .5 of an hour..
book opens..i go through some weird matrices which surely gonna haunt me today too..and miracle happens..i remember 6 outta 7..thats an amazing ratio with my lack of adeptness with mugging up..hell!! Madhur will be here any second..i hope that he is having some great ideas to help me mug up something easily..miracle happens again..i am saved..
exam time..Dabas the Courageous gets the paper out of the class, the moment they were distributed and in a min or so its like the busiest road of delhi with so many maniacs getting into the scene from nowhere and showing there poor driving skills..i hear Abhay shout, Adi get here..you would be knowing something of the theory..i see the 1st Q..what is it??even my general knowledge fails me..and i abdicate any further view..
paper in my hand..wow..1 hour gone i am through with the test..feel so amazing..good part of the day, i think, has begun..
home..cricket on..Australia is so doomed..all out for 213..India on the top..but as usual,they give this match away too..they are so screwed..
plan on, for a movie at 8:30,two of them are here..waiting for the other to reach his own home..he turns up at the scene way too late..enroute picking him up, though we clobbered the heaviest traffic of my life, we dont make it in time..its 9:15..but adamant and ignorant behaviour just ruins the night, even my arbitration wont help today..we drive senselessly, kill all the time and at 11 we realize none of us has had dinner..no use of this realization though..everything is closed and of the places that are open, atleast one of us is having a problem in going there..too much of attitude ill say(wont count myself out)..
11:30 i press the bell..dad opens d door,so amazed..mom even more.."what the hell am i doing so early back at home" i can read in their eyes..IRONIC..when i enter at 2:30 or 3:00 they are all ready to knock me cold and when i come early..they act so dumbstruck..
in my room..i am a messed up lot..wanna sleep..wanna play..wanna listen to music..wanna eat something and what i end up with..
This weird BLOG...1:28..and by 1:30 this blog will be up..
adios bad day..

i like this gal..shez kinda my type.. but who she is.. weird!!


Her's
about me:
hmmm... when i meet u ... chances are.. that i wont like you.. n even bigger are the chances of u not liking me... i dont like new ppl... if we dont get along the first time we talk.. we can NEVER get along.. if you're a judgmental racist n sexist freak... i'll prolly try decapitating u

turn off's:
psuedo cool yo and i know it all attitude, daddy's spoilt ambitionless good for nothing types, alcoholics, short temper, stereotypes, diplomatic stunts, social climbers and ppl who dont come on time ,and "SOME PPL" in general !!

ChAnGeS

I'm changing..

Life’s always not a little Angel.
Your Mind is always not thinking Straight.
At times if Your intentions Aren't Cruel One just can't have Fun.
Because Everyone does it, but its as simple as that, no one talks about it..

i may have always thought n acted opposite but the truth i have realised, though maybe a bit late but still quite a long road is left in front of me..wont be decieved again..wont be regreting again..

how true is this shit...
every desirable thing in this world is either way too expensive, illegal to possess or committed to some one else..
and how untrue is this...
Purpose of life, is a life of purpose..

no purpose of my life, im able to see..y mi traversing this road which at every hour give me reasons to believe that im useless..y mi trying to stay awake..no reasons..no explanations..

who gives damn?? i dont :p

Crystal Ball

"Who is the man I see

Where I'm supposed to be?

I lost my heart, I buried it too deep

Under the iron sea

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball

Save us all, tell me life is beautiful

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Lines ever more unclear

Not sure I'm even here

The more I look the more I think that I'm

Starting to disappear

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball

Save us all, tell me life is beautiful

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Oh, crystal ball, hear my song

I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong

So put me where I belong

I don't know where I am

And I don't really care

I look myself in eye

There's no-one there

I fall upon the earth

I call upon the air

But all I get is the same old vacant stare

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball

Save us all, tell me life is beautiful

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Oh, crystal ball, hear my song

I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong

So put me where I belong"

Im such an asshole..how can i make such blunders..a total dickhead..

Though in the last post i was hoping that i shouldn't get good result in simCAT-2, and it happened..i was totally screwed..got 20.17....19 less than what i had assessed..but HELL!!! its hurts..how can i make so many mistakes..i knew i would score atleast 10 less than what i assessed with total knowledge of my poor marking abilities..but 19 less is totally unforgivable..

The only rewarding things of 12th september were..i saw munnabhai..awesome movie..n i found the song i had been looking for so long now.."BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY" by "The Verve"..amazingly good song..you all should try the song..

Finally ive arrived..
here goes my very first post..Ive seen so many people taking time out of their busy schedules just to write these blogs every other day..have commented on many myself..have seen them put their heart out..feelings flowing so facilely..
wish i was here for that..yes!! i aint here for that..
then y mi here??
what d hell mi doin here??
im here as i have nothing else to do..d colg is off for a week as sessionals r approaching..so we all are on a so called "study bunk"..
its quite funny dat wenever exams approach i tend to indulge myself into sumthin useless..like playin games dat ive ended 10 times or more..or takin up a book that ive read, mugged or better said manducated...so this time around i thought of doing sumthing that is a bit more useful, which will tend to help me out wid myself later on wen i ruminate of d time i spent around..doing nothing at all..as in no usefull stuff..

hey!! is this blogging stuff injurious??
if it is..i really wanna keep this thing going on, like forever..
hope ive got d strenght..

with this ill sign off..
shit!! deepak says simCAT-2 results r out..im so pissed off coz i might score well which will surely make me study for CAT..oh i pray thats not d case..

newez ill still sign off n keep d results a surprise till tmrw
cya tmrw my dairy